Things that ruined my vacation writing

Vacation writing=fail?

I promised to start my vacation writing challenge, but as the title says. It didn't go as planned and not in a good way. Past few days my personal life issues have come back, and I am currently at a point where I might not continue writing. I'm not going much into detail. But I got inspiration but I am just too weighed down with grief. 

I don't know what will happen to my life after this issue is done, but most likely I might take a break from this. Either because I am too broken down or I am trying my best to get my life back in order. If life really decides to kick me hard, I might either compleately quit or find inspiration from my grief and write actually more. And when I mean more, I really mean more. Like my life will become a total mess and I'll be probably left with plenty of free time. 

So I really wish to continue this but we'll see if I have the strenght to do this. 

P.S my M-key isn't working perfectly so I might have missed few m-letters since my keyboard won't let me use it correctly. (it's slightly jammed so I need to really press it to get it to work. )

I hope I see you later.

-nemesismerri

Creating a language to your story

Little tips on language creation

Now It's a story time. I was reading my earlier drafts of Freaks and demons, the story of Sazra. I noticed that at one point, I had three new languages in it. One for angels, one for demons and one death language who was understood by 'nobelities' and creatures who lived in afterlife. I still have some notes on death language. But angel language and demon language are long forgotten, and even if I had the notes I would still rework them. They were too similar. So today I though that it does make sense to have language for angels and demons. So I started on angel language. But I know that I like certain letter combinations more than others, so I thought how to desing the new language. Here are the steps that I created:

1. Pick up few phrases
some basic phrases like how are you? greetings and such. I also picked somthing not so common for humans but a used phrase for angels  like prepare to die. If your language is for certain people then think what phrases they would use. If it's a tribe in your rainforest in planet garroth. You might not need a word for cellphone.

2. pick already existing language
this part is really essential if you are like me. Creating few new languages. In order for them to sound different I picked a language and translated the phrases into that language. And then started thinking about "words" that sounded similar to that language. Remeber to pick different languages. If languages are too close to each other the sound difference is too small. Unless that's what you are going for.

3. think about grammar rules
the grammar can differ from english grammar ye know. For example in my native language you don't have words like to, from, for. (etc) But words blend kinda... together. Like 'from New York' is in my language. 'New Yorkista.' But anywa, you don't have to make drastic changes, and you probably shouldn't, other wise it might be too difficult. I don't know....

4. learn these rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist.
these aren't strickt rules, they are guidelines. Use them as tools not as rules. You don't have to follow in their foot steps, but you can go in somewhat same direction.

Thank you. It's great that this didn't end up being as emotional as some of my posts. If you want to check out the angel language phrases that I came up with. You can find it in my wattpad profile.
click here
-nemesismerri

Writer's insecurities

Insecurities

We all have our insecurities. And I have plenty but I am talking about certain insecurities. I am talking about things that make me feel like I am not good enough as a writer. Or worse, things that make me feel like I'm not a writer at all.
I'll be getting straight to the point.
1. My age 
    writing takes time and I am young. I'm writing a blog like I know something but I'm 17, no one takes me really serious. And I am still living with my parents so they have control over me, so I cannot really publish everything. This is one of the biggest things that pain me. Because I work hard with my writings. But just because of my age, I could be considered as a joke.
2. no published works
 this is because I'm very young, but still. I don't really feel like a writer since I don't have anything written.
3. I write romance
nothing wrong writing a romance, but I feel like my writing isn't as good when I write romance. And also if you combine this with the facts that I indeed am a female, and 17. In the eyes of many adults I am basically just a teenager and a hopeless romantic who writes fanfictions about one direction members I'd like to date. (just to clear few things out. nothing wrong with writing fanfics, I don't write that many fanfics.)
4. I don't feel like I can get any better
I don't think my writing can develope any better, because unlike in gymnastics for example, writing doesn't have any difficult moves that I could learn. There's no way to measure really how good you are on your own. I don't feel like my writers voice has yet developed, and I'm fearing it never will. I feel stuck.
5. writer's don't really make it in Finland
I live in a country that you can't really make it in as an artist of any kind. It's really difficult.

There are five insecurities and now you know a little it more about me. Here you go. This was a little bit more personal. I hope you don't mind that, and I hope that this somehow  opened your eyes.
-nemesismerri

Project:vacation writing

Vacation writing

Okidoki, so my writing projects usually fall flat because I'm lazy or some other excuse. But I feel good about this particular writing project. If this ends up being succesful you'll get a link to a wattpad book where you can read about my writings.
-it might be a good draft of one of my stories.
-my project jourunal (if it ends up being interesting to read for you and if it contains some tips.)
-random collection of my writings.

What I hope to achieve is not only readable material but wisdom, inspiration and tips to write here on my blog.

It starts tomorrow, today I am prepareing for the challenge. First day gonna be sitting in a car for eight hours.
Anyway, my main focus is on few of my stories.
-Sazra's story (oviously, his story has always been on focus)
-A story about a young ghoul. (one draft is already been written in wattpad)

What to wait from future.
-a lot of my learning.
-perhaps some finished series like the challenge I started eternity ago
-a new series where I compare my stories

anyway, I would love if you could write also with me. I have absolutely no idea how many actually read these. But ye know some feedback or thoughts are always appreciated. you now have a link to my twitter account so you can also reach me there.
I had something else to say also, but alas, I forgot. so till next post.
cya!

Path of the story of Sariel-Azrael

I am back, and for the record, my personal life issues might be solved today. And I actually got a new friend to write with me. And this person inspired me to write this blog post. And inspired me to write again alot. So big thanks to her.

This blog post is about one of my stories and what it was originally about how it originally begun and the changes it has gone through in the journey of three years.

First of all, first draft begun with the words "I woke up early in the morning around the first rays of sunshine." Few words about this start, I am disgusted by this start, and disgusted by the draft it self, but that's okay since it was the first draft, I have twenty other drafts and I still am not compleately happy, but I am closer.
     This begining doesn't represent the story well in anyway. It's a love story between an angel and a demon. kind of. The one who wakes up is the demon. This starts in the human world. Since around my first few drafts Sazra (the demon) was born in the human world and unable to go to hell yet. In my current drafts this is still the case, but when the story starts, Sazra is four years older than in the first draft and now in hell.

Another begining goes like this "'but demons can't fall in love' actually, they can, and yes they fucking will. And just goes how much trouble it brings when your mission is to tear out someones soul and kill that person but whops, you go and fucking fall in love with your victim." now I like this a lot more. Because I can actually hear my main characters voice. I like it.

Rest of the beginings that I have chosen to represent to you are as follows:
"writing a book about seducing an archangel. I could do it. If I did write that book, one certain archangel would hunt me down and beat me up. Hunting me down wouldn't be a problem for him. I know this all and still it's very fucking tempting to write it, so that angel has one perfectly fine reason to drag his ass down here to get me out of this god damn crypt."
"where most people end their lives, mine just begun, from the death. I was killed at the age of 18 by the archangel of death named Azrael. I am the seventh demon lord Sariel-Azrael although I prefer to be called Sazra."
"'your job is to steal my brothers soul' The words echoed from the blackened stone walls of the cave. It rang thourgh my head. I was knelt before him. And I was confused about what I heard in many ways. The person before me, firghtened me, because he really wasn't 'a person'. Lucifer was a powerful ex archangel. And yet I couldn't resist it. 'If you don't mind me noting. You have seven brothers. Which of them you might mean.'"

Few words. This is a part one. About the begining. And it hasn't ended yet.
Few problems with the begining.
-my story could start from the human world, heaven, hell, or afterlife, or purgatory. It could be told in various ways. From point of view of Sazra and from point of view of Raphael, and from both of their point of views.
I am not setteled in one begining yet, I will be going to think as many as possible and then choose the best.

So what did we learn from this blog post? I've writen that story over twenty times, I lost count around 18th draft, and I have lost some of the drafts. And I still don't know Jack shit about it. And it's fine. Because it's still in the developing process. It will change.

What's the saddest part in this is that I do not know if I ever dare to publish this, because it could be considered as a mockery towards, religions. While it's not. But people have pissed of these highly religous people and have ended up in a really tough spots. I don't even know all of the stories about these kind of accidents but perhaps, when I die, I'll make that story published.

thank you again, next part will be about character development between the drafts.
Cya

Something personal

One more personal update

Apparently my boyfriend is indeed ignoring me. I said him what I intended, well I didn't bother reminding him about that fight yet. But surely I will later if my selfharm taughts will get the best of me. This tires me a lot. So I might not update anything today. But I started writing already so something is atleast coming up. ANyway unless I have something absolutely giantic things to explane, I'll keep my personal rants in twitter. So if you are interested, go ahead and follow me. Or read the tweets. My username is Nemesismerri. Thanks for your support. 

-nemesismerri

Something about writing

Nemesismerri's writing tips

So yesterday evening (I actually wrote it after middnight so it's basically today) I wrote a post about my personal life problems. But I kinda knew that if I left to that and didn't write again, I'd just not post anything new. So slowly I am trying to get back to the habit of writing. Every now and then I might write something about my self. 

Anyway, I am using twitter more actively. I've been asking for help. And I'll ask again. If I write a story, would anyone be interested to read it if I leave a link. 

Anyway, In the title I promised some tips, and I ain't gonna leave you guys hanging. I'll get there. 

The tips:

-Do anything else than writing. You see, while I was working as a gardener on a summerjob, I got plenty of inspiration. Same thing when I was taking care of younger kids at a camp.Difference between these two is the fact that at the camp I had time to write about the ideas. As a gardener I only had time to write the ideas up. 

-shower is a thing I don't know any better way to see into my own subconsiousness than shower. Sometimes I get ideas, sometimes I don't. But trust me, getting help from your subconsiousness is really usefull. 

-Your own skills are a mere slow on your jorney. This smart idea is from the mouth of my friend. While my friend was thinking about rolling down the hill. My other friend got out of the way so that she could do it. My friend who was about to roll down the hill said that my other friend wasn't a problem, her own skills were. To this the other friend said that sentence. Your limits can be crossed, you can became more skilled. Always. 

That's about it for today.

I'll try to write something useful again today, But I can't make promises.

-nemesismerri

Some personal updates

Away still

I am sorry that I haven't updated in forever. And today I still won't update anything about writing, this time it's about my personal life. 

I feel powerless, I am tired and I have the habit of getting depressed easily. And I don't have any clinical proofs that I have a depression, but thinking about suicide kinda is a red flag. I have been fighting with my boyfriend. And once again it's actually my fault. We have had four "real" fights. (by real, I mean it's actually something serious) Every time it's my fault no matter how you look at it. First time, I kinda tried to make my boyfriend jealous and it didn't go well. We got through that, but still I look back at that and think how much of an asshole I was. Second time, I complained about a person for too long and he got pissed off thinking I blamed him for not doing anything. I wanted him to do something about it but I hadn't expected him to get mad, anyway it was my fault. Third was actually few days ago. He promised me he would call me, and he knew that it meant a lot to me since I really needed him to call me. He didn't though. And it would seem like it wasn't my fault, but I pointed it out and told him that I had expected him to be more nice. If I had controlled my self , and just asked him, we could have avoided all that. Next day we fought and cried and stuff like that. Even though he betrayed my trust, I still shouldn't have gotten mad at him. The last fight, is still on. And it is once again my fault. When he was at my house I got pretty upset about a really childish thing. And refused to talk to him, and he tried to talk to me but without success. Now he's been ignoring me for a day. He talked a few times, but that's about it. And when he did talk he was cold and distant. I tried to make him feel better by sending him lame cheesy pickup lines, I tried geniuenly apologizing. Nothing so far has worked. I suppose I'll find out tomorrow more. What I really wonder though is that he should know that if he ignores me for too long I might end up panicing and hurting my self a lot. On purpose. This has happened twice already, almost three times. And is about to happen. What my plan is? I am going to ask him if he knows he is hurting me by ignoring me, and if he knows, why does he want to hurt me. After that I will probably remind him of a fight that we had. I had paniced because he hadn't said anything. I hurted my self and after he found out he told me he didn't say anything because after our fight last night it would have felt .... selfish? to just say hi like nothing happened. But if he had said that, I would have been happy. He would have prevented that. He regretted not apologizing first. Perhaps if I remind him of that, he understands that it's not easy for me, and I am actually on the edge of hurting myself. 

Anyway thanks for hearing me out. I just needed to talk to someone, and to tell all that. If anyone of you reads it, I am thankfull, that someone has heard. Because like I said. I feel powerless, and I am slightly giving up hope. 

Perhaps I get to update soon. 

-nemesismerri