Taking part in Nanowrimo

So, I've been away for a long time. I have actually prepared for one post for a while now, but November came suddenly and one of my friends asked if I was going to take part in Nanowrimo. And I decided to give it a go. It's gonna be hell, but it's about time I grab myself by the neck and get some work done.

My daily goal is to write 2500 words. That means basically that I'll get to 50 000 in 20 days. I have the rest 10 days time to possibly finnish the story If the little bit over 50 000 words isn't enough.

Now yesterday I managed to get my word goal. I wrote 2647 words, and edited them a bit also. So today 5147 total word count is my goal. I'll be updating probably everyday. If I remember.

I'd like to challenge you also to do this. Even if you wrote nothing yesterday, you can take one of the 10 days as a "holiday" Start today, try writing at least 2500 words per day.

And if you think Nanowrimo isn't something you have time for which I totally understand since it consumes much time. Try at least some daily word goal. My friend for example has 500 words/day. It's a great daily goal.

And I don't know, uhm cheer for me in twitter. I'll probably be checking it also. @nemesismerri

Hope your November goes great even if you don't take part in nanowrimo.
-cya
-nemesismerri.

No I'm not dead

I don't remeber what I last posted

Hi to all of you people that apparently still read this blog, for some reason. (As you can see, I'm back with only a scrap of self-esteem I could find from my dark moments.) I'm back, because of something that happened recently.
   My dad piled a lot of Artemis Fowl books into a pile. I had the first and third book in my own book case also. But I for some reason thought about reading it again, cause, I never finished the series. (just like I didn't finish Darren Shan, or one of Terry Pratchetts book series, and so on.) I finished the first book, and read the second (after school) I'm pretty proud, cause I still got enough time to write this, do most of my homework, read another book, wander around, text, and google. For tomorrow, I got only one book of the Artemis Fowl series, and that saddenss me a little bit.
   Any way, reading again lit some spark in my heart back alive about writing. I'm slightly more and more ready to return to writing after getting over some tough times. I have been thinking about a certain story. (It's not Sazras story, I'm thinking about it constatnyl but mostly subconsiously) I read some of my old text, I have improved, and I have learned a lot. In following days, you might hear more about me, at least I am thinking about coming back. (I feel like in the past five months I have said that in this blog before. *some checking* two posts about it at least, and two more drafts.... how peculiar)

any way I'll be back. Cya soon, I hope.
-nemesismerri

Sorry for my inactivness

I'll return

I have had troubles. I am even going to go so far to say that I am depressed. But I'll get energy and I'll return. I have been writing my poems. I don't write that many poems. But in the evening yesterday I felt like it. 

But I will return. Probably soon. 

sorry for the short update.

cya

Things that ruined my vacation writing

Vacation writing=fail?

I promised to start my vacation writing challenge, but as the title says. It didn't go as planned and not in a good way. Past few days my personal life issues have come back, and I am currently at a point where I might not continue writing. I'm not going much into detail. But I got inspiration but I am just too weighed down with grief. 

I don't know what will happen to my life after this issue is done, but most likely I might take a break from this. Either because I am too broken down or I am trying my best to get my life back in order. If life really decides to kick me hard, I might either compleately quit or find inspiration from my grief and write actually more. And when I mean more, I really mean more. Like my life will become a total mess and I'll be probably left with plenty of free time. 

So I really wish to continue this but we'll see if I have the strenght to do this. 

P.S my M-key isn't working perfectly so I might have missed few m-letters since my keyboard won't let me use it correctly. (it's slightly jammed so I need to really press it to get it to work. )

I hope I see you later.

-nemesismerri

Creating a language to your story

Little tips on language creation

Now It's a story time. I was reading my earlier drafts of Freaks and demons, the story of Sazra. I noticed that at one point, I had three new languages in it. One for angels, one for demons and one death language who was understood by 'nobelities' and creatures who lived in afterlife. I still have some notes on death language. But angel language and demon language are long forgotten, and even if I had the notes I would still rework them. They were too similar. So today I though that it does make sense to have language for angels and demons. So I started on angel language. But I know that I like certain letter combinations more than others, so I thought how to desing the new language. Here are the steps that I created:

1. Pick up few phrases
some basic phrases like how are you? greetings and such. I also picked somthing not so common for humans but a used phrase for angels  like prepare to die. If your language is for certain people then think what phrases they would use. If it's a tribe in your rainforest in planet garroth. You might not need a word for cellphone.

2. pick already existing language
this part is really essential if you are like me. Creating few new languages. In order for them to sound different I picked a language and translated the phrases into that language. And then started thinking about "words" that sounded similar to that language. Remeber to pick different languages. If languages are too close to each other the sound difference is too small. Unless that's what you are going for.

3. think about grammar rules
the grammar can differ from english grammar ye know. For example in my native language you don't have words like to, from, for. (etc) But words blend kinda... together. Like 'from New York' is in my language. 'New Yorkista.' But anywa, you don't have to make drastic changes, and you probably shouldn't, other wise it might be too difficult. I don't know....

4. learn these rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist.
these aren't strickt rules, they are guidelines. Use them as tools not as rules. You don't have to follow in their foot steps, but you can go in somewhat same direction.

Thank you. It's great that this didn't end up being as emotional as some of my posts. If you want to check out the angel language phrases that I came up with. You can find it in my wattpad profile.
click here
-nemesismerri

Writer's insecurities

Insecurities

We all have our insecurities. And I have plenty but I am talking about certain insecurities. I am talking about things that make me feel like I am not good enough as a writer. Or worse, things that make me feel like I'm not a writer at all.
I'll be getting straight to the point.
1. My age 
    writing takes time and I am young. I'm writing a blog like I know something but I'm 17, no one takes me really serious. And I am still living with my parents so they have control over me, so I cannot really publish everything. This is one of the biggest things that pain me. Because I work hard with my writings. But just because of my age, I could be considered as a joke.
2. no published works
 this is because I'm very young, but still. I don't really feel like a writer since I don't have anything written.
3. I write romance
nothing wrong writing a romance, but I feel like my writing isn't as good when I write romance. And also if you combine this with the facts that I indeed am a female, and 17. In the eyes of many adults I am basically just a teenager and a hopeless romantic who writes fanfictions about one direction members I'd like to date. (just to clear few things out. nothing wrong with writing fanfics, I don't write that many fanfics.)
4. I don't feel like I can get any better
I don't think my writing can develope any better, because unlike in gymnastics for example, writing doesn't have any difficult moves that I could learn. There's no way to measure really how good you are on your own. I don't feel like my writers voice has yet developed, and I'm fearing it never will. I feel stuck.
5. writer's don't really make it in Finland
I live in a country that you can't really make it in as an artist of any kind. It's really difficult.

There are five insecurities and now you know a little it more about me. Here you go. This was a little bit more personal. I hope you don't mind that, and I hope that this somehow  opened your eyes.
-nemesismerri

Project:vacation writing

Vacation writing

Okidoki, so my writing projects usually fall flat because I'm lazy or some other excuse. But I feel good about this particular writing project. If this ends up being succesful you'll get a link to a wattpad book where you can read about my writings.
-it might be a good draft of one of my stories.
-my project jourunal (if it ends up being interesting to read for you and if it contains some tips.)
-random collection of my writings.

What I hope to achieve is not only readable material but wisdom, inspiration and tips to write here on my blog.

It starts tomorrow, today I am prepareing for the challenge. First day gonna be sitting in a car for eight hours.
Anyway, my main focus is on few of my stories.
-Sazra's story (oviously, his story has always been on focus)
-A story about a young ghoul. (one draft is already been written in wattpad)

What to wait from future.
-a lot of my learning.
-perhaps some finished series like the challenge I started eternity ago
-a new series where I compare my stories

anyway, I would love if you could write also with me. I have absolutely no idea how many actually read these. But ye know some feedback or thoughts are always appreciated. you now have a link to my twitter account so you can also reach me there.
I had something else to say also, but alas, I forgot. so till next post.
cya!

Path of the story of Sariel-Azrael

I am back, and for the record, my personal life issues might be solved today. And I actually got a new friend to write with me. And this person inspired me to write this blog post. And inspired me to write again alot. So big thanks to her.

This blog post is about one of my stories and what it was originally about how it originally begun and the changes it has gone through in the journey of three years.

First of all, first draft begun with the words "I woke up early in the morning around the first rays of sunshine." Few words about this start, I am disgusted by this start, and disgusted by the draft it self, but that's okay since it was the first draft, I have twenty other drafts and I still am not compleately happy, but I am closer.
     This begining doesn't represent the story well in anyway. It's a love story between an angel and a demon. kind of. The one who wakes up is the demon. This starts in the human world. Since around my first few drafts Sazra (the demon) was born in the human world and unable to go to hell yet. In my current drafts this is still the case, but when the story starts, Sazra is four years older than in the first draft and now in hell.

Another begining goes like this "'but demons can't fall in love' actually, they can, and yes they fucking will. And just goes how much trouble it brings when your mission is to tear out someones soul and kill that person but whops, you go and fucking fall in love with your victim." now I like this a lot more. Because I can actually hear my main characters voice. I like it.

Rest of the beginings that I have chosen to represent to you are as follows:
"writing a book about seducing an archangel. I could do it. If I did write that book, one certain archangel would hunt me down and beat me up. Hunting me down wouldn't be a problem for him. I know this all and still it's very fucking tempting to write it, so that angel has one perfectly fine reason to drag his ass down here to get me out of this god damn crypt."
"where most people end their lives, mine just begun, from the death. I was killed at the age of 18 by the archangel of death named Azrael. I am the seventh demon lord Sariel-Azrael although I prefer to be called Sazra."
"'your job is to steal my brothers soul' The words echoed from the blackened stone walls of the cave. It rang thourgh my head. I was knelt before him. And I was confused about what I heard in many ways. The person before me, firghtened me, because he really wasn't 'a person'. Lucifer was a powerful ex archangel. And yet I couldn't resist it. 'If you don't mind me noting. You have seven brothers. Which of them you might mean.'"

Few words. This is a part one. About the begining. And it hasn't ended yet.
Few problems with the begining.
-my story could start from the human world, heaven, hell, or afterlife, or purgatory. It could be told in various ways. From point of view of Sazra and from point of view of Raphael, and from both of their point of views.
I am not setteled in one begining yet, I will be going to think as many as possible and then choose the best.

So what did we learn from this blog post? I've writen that story over twenty times, I lost count around 18th draft, and I have lost some of the drafts. And I still don't know Jack shit about it. And it's fine. Because it's still in the developing process. It will change.

What's the saddest part in this is that I do not know if I ever dare to publish this, because it could be considered as a mockery towards, religions. While it's not. But people have pissed of these highly religous people and have ended up in a really tough spots. I don't even know all of the stories about these kind of accidents but perhaps, when I die, I'll make that story published.

thank you again, next part will be about character development between the drafts.
Cya

Something personal

One more personal update

Apparently my boyfriend is indeed ignoring me. I said him what I intended, well I didn't bother reminding him about that fight yet. But surely I will later if my selfharm taughts will get the best of me. This tires me a lot. So I might not update anything today. But I started writing already so something is atleast coming up. ANyway unless I have something absolutely giantic things to explane, I'll keep my personal rants in twitter. So if you are interested, go ahead and follow me. Or read the tweets. My username is Nemesismerri. Thanks for your support. 

-nemesismerri

Something about writing

Nemesismerri's writing tips

So yesterday evening (I actually wrote it after middnight so it's basically today) I wrote a post about my personal life problems. But I kinda knew that if I left to that and didn't write again, I'd just not post anything new. So slowly I am trying to get back to the habit of writing. Every now and then I might write something about my self. 

Anyway, I am using twitter more actively. I've been asking for help. And I'll ask again. If I write a story, would anyone be interested to read it if I leave a link. 

Anyway, In the title I promised some tips, and I ain't gonna leave you guys hanging. I'll get there. 

The tips:

-Do anything else than writing. You see, while I was working as a gardener on a summerjob, I got plenty of inspiration. Same thing when I was taking care of younger kids at a camp.Difference between these two is the fact that at the camp I had time to write about the ideas. As a gardener I only had time to write the ideas up. 

-shower is a thing I don't know any better way to see into my own subconsiousness than shower. Sometimes I get ideas, sometimes I don't. But trust me, getting help from your subconsiousness is really usefull. 

-Your own skills are a mere slow on your jorney. This smart idea is from the mouth of my friend. While my friend was thinking about rolling down the hill. My other friend got out of the way so that she could do it. My friend who was about to roll down the hill said that my other friend wasn't a problem, her own skills were. To this the other friend said that sentence. Your limits can be crossed, you can became more skilled. Always. 

That's about it for today.

I'll try to write something useful again today, But I can't make promises.

-nemesismerri

Some personal updates

Away still

I am sorry that I haven't updated in forever. And today I still won't update anything about writing, this time it's about my personal life. 

I feel powerless, I am tired and I have the habit of getting depressed easily. And I don't have any clinical proofs that I have a depression, but thinking about suicide kinda is a red flag. I have been fighting with my boyfriend. And once again it's actually my fault. We have had four "real" fights. (by real, I mean it's actually something serious) Every time it's my fault no matter how you look at it. First time, I kinda tried to make my boyfriend jealous and it didn't go well. We got through that, but still I look back at that and think how much of an asshole I was. Second time, I complained about a person for too long and he got pissed off thinking I blamed him for not doing anything. I wanted him to do something about it but I hadn't expected him to get mad, anyway it was my fault. Third was actually few days ago. He promised me he would call me, and he knew that it meant a lot to me since I really needed him to call me. He didn't though. And it would seem like it wasn't my fault, but I pointed it out and told him that I had expected him to be more nice. If I had controlled my self , and just asked him, we could have avoided all that. Next day we fought and cried and stuff like that. Even though he betrayed my trust, I still shouldn't have gotten mad at him. The last fight, is still on. And it is once again my fault. When he was at my house I got pretty upset about a really childish thing. And refused to talk to him, and he tried to talk to me but without success. Now he's been ignoring me for a day. He talked a few times, but that's about it. And when he did talk he was cold and distant. I tried to make him feel better by sending him lame cheesy pickup lines, I tried geniuenly apologizing. Nothing so far has worked. I suppose I'll find out tomorrow more. What I really wonder though is that he should know that if he ignores me for too long I might end up panicing and hurting my self a lot. On purpose. This has happened twice already, almost three times. And is about to happen. What my plan is? I am going to ask him if he knows he is hurting me by ignoring me, and if he knows, why does he want to hurt me. After that I will probably remind him of a fight that we had. I had paniced because he hadn't said anything. I hurted my self and after he found out he told me he didn't say anything because after our fight last night it would have felt .... selfish? to just say hi like nothing happened. But if he had said that, I would have been happy. He would have prevented that. He regretted not apologizing first. Perhaps if I remind him of that, he understands that it's not easy for me, and I am actually on the edge of hurting myself. 

Anyway thanks for hearing me out. I just needed to talk to someone, and to tell all that. If anyone of you reads it, I am thankfull, that someone has heard. Because like I said. I feel powerless, and I am slightly giving up hope. 

Perhaps I get to update soon. 

-nemesismerri

quick planning

Planning that was taught to me by rpg

After a long break I am back. And I have to say, that I am deeply soryy for not updating for ages. Like last post ... was today, but I think I planned it earlier already. In April. And before that post, I posted in January. I'm sorry. But I've been developing. I still have absolutely no selfcontrol when it comes to writing or bloggin, I should try to make it a daily thing but alas, I have school and stuff.
Anyway, today is free from school, and I am not gonna see anyone important for hours so I'll just write. And I have this rola playing game, I have been trying to become better at it, but I don't know how. I'm too kind, and no obstacles come to the players way, making it incredibly boring. Anyway, today I started to plan one adventure that I might test run today.
Back on track, I was planning and realised that this actually is a quick way to flesh out any story. So I though that I'd start blogging again, this time with hopefully useful stuff.
Let's check, how this works.
Anyway.
First! One sentence plot.
Nothing too fancy. My example. "hero needs to get out alive from the underground lab" it can be from killing the ruthless tyrant to anything you like. Doesn't have to be cliché.
Second: motivation, why are they doing it. 
Don't go too much into the details here, not necessary. My hero for example is locked down in a lab with human experiments with superpowers and.... something really dangerous.
Characters. 
Okay, this is still a type of planning that you'd do in a train when bored or in a hurry. Don't go into too much details. Name, age, race (human dwarf succubi whatever) gender. Quick appearance, personality and backstory. Remeber quick. And rember, allies heros, neutral, villains. everything.
Goals
hero's goal would be in my case getting out perhaps. I wouldn't know because the hero in my rpg thingy isn't under my control. Anyway, plan the goals. quickly.
Scenes
First our hero goes to an underground lab-> the lab gets to an emergency state and the doors get locked->hero tries to help scientist to get the doors open my getting generators working.->runs into a girl who is an experiment and has the superpower to sense near by people.-> They are attacked. and so on and so on.
The title
yea well anyway this is the moment where you think what's important in your story. What's central. But this is also very quickly done planning so... the name doesn't have to be final.

Final words. Damn I suck at this. I am always told that I should end with some kind of sum up with all above, but I'm just gonna grab some food, so the ending can stay like this. Cya.
-nemesismerri

world building: maps

did you know that your characters need a world?

yeah, shocker I know. But they need a world. Now this is not a problem too much if you are just using the world we are living in. But you are probably going to have to do something, at least think, if you add something to this world like witches. Like what they can and cannot do.
So there are at least few things in world building that come to mind, and today I'll be focusing to one of them.

So what do you need to think about is
-maps: you know where everything is, are there any kindoms or towns and stuff like that. You can draw it if you want.
-creature(s): are there purple tigers? what can they do? what are their weaknesses. where the did they come from.
-scenery: yeah there's mountains. how do they look? uhhh dunno?( no you plan it out, draw or use google)
-physics: if it's a compleately another universe, how's gravity doing? how do you die, do you come back, and stuff like that.
-culture(s): one god or many gods, what do you eat, how do you celebrate.

Okay but today I'd like to focus on maps. You know I just under a year ago learnt how to do them so I've probably mastered this subject. (I'm probably going to ask few of my friends for advics on the subject)

So while I am writing this, I am also planning a map for a school in one of my stories that is really cool. I think. You know you don't need too detailed maps. Just a map where you can see where most of the stuff is. You don't probably have to draw every big stone, if they have absolutely nothing to do with the story.

How do you start drawing maps? I am not sure how I do it but I have gotten most of my knowledge from my sister and my boyfriend. With their help I have learnt stuff.
My sister usually starts by drawing the area that you are going to map. Is it the school grounds, a certain building there, one town, or one kindom, or the whole world. If it's an island draw what shape the island is. It's that simple. Now I don't remeber exactly from word to word what my boyfriend has taught me about this, but with his help I know how to draw them, he told me about how he does it and I watched and learned. I quess. I'd still say our styles differ. He has different style of marking towns. Any ways, he did point out to me that my maps are... similar. And indeed, I have mountains at the same spot in several maps, sea in the same spot. So he told me to draw a different kind of map. Ye know. One with no sea at all. I should draw one with two continents. It's a good advice. I haven't done this yet, I should though.

Anyway, I'll show you few maps of my own. and you'll see, it doesn't have to be too fancy. 

it's upside down and it's a world

not too fancy. It's a house

here is a town

Ideas

And this is how I finally found an idea

(Just in case you don't want to read my story about how I got my idea, skip to the point where there is numbers. I'll give you some tips.)
Hello people. So I did get an idea, already today. I was desperate to find one. I tried to read blogs about creative writing that weren't in English. I started from one French blog. Then I realised that I don't understand a word. So I desided this. I have an exam coming up. It's Swedish exam, it's my second native language. (Yes people in Finland are bilingual) I am not very good at it so I took my teachers advice and started reading in that language. Perhaps I'd get better with time. I was incredibly bad at it. But I got some ideas. Nothint that helped me, but some fresh ideas. And it did help me. I had to pay attention to every word. And all the tips sunk in really well, because I had to actually reaad them and translate them. In English I read fluently and understand basically everything. And I don't pay attention to that as much.

Then I searched in my native language. And I stumbled upon a forum. They were discussing about stories and plot ideas and such. I read few messages and realised that some of the ideas I had already had similar. It was many years ago that I did a lot of research on that subject and I was very interested in it. I then suddenly realised that this subject had surrounded me for years and years in many forms.

You see I am very interested in demons and angels and that kind of stuff. Spiritual stuff and god. So this subject has been with me in religion. And recently I have been a lot in contact with religion. It also has been in art. It has been several times in my art class on the wall in form of an assignment. (thank god it was not my assignment) I have been thinking, I'd like to paint that, but never thought, I'd like to write about that.

So indeed some of the best ideas probably constantly hit you in the head but you just don't recognise them. Now I'll give you few tips about getting ideas.

1. Read anything. like no, not only books. Actually when searching for an idea, don't read books, takes way too much time and you don't get much ideas that wouldn't be already in use. Read conversations, news , opinnions. Just read some material and get an idea.
2. Read in many languages if possible. If you can read other language read stuff in other languages. There are plenty of blogs in many different languages.
3. go back to your old ideas. you might find something you haven't been thinking about in long time. And you might find an idea
4. write as many ideas as possible. even if they are stupid. Your mind has two sides, creative and judging. Use the creative mind to proiduce masses of ideas, and combine them and cut and glue and stuff till you have an idea that satisfies the judging part of your mind.
5. Don't give up. Giving up isn't going to give you any ideas, nor will crying to your friends that you have no ideas. You can take a break, but never give up.

So that's all for this time. Cya soon. Byeh!
-nemesismeri

Hello everyone

Guess who's back

Yup that was eminem reference, thank you for you all who got it. So recently I haven't updated much, but in the end there haven't been too much to update about. I am currently studying French. Not long and I will start studying it at my school.

But today I am here. I have been suffering a lot from writer's block. A special kind of writer's block. I get ideas, I want to write, but my ideas fall flat. They suddenly don't feel like such a great ideas after all, and I just want to start writing and get over this horrible disease. Please tell me if you have anything at all that you can tell me.

And I promise I'll write more and update when I get to the actual writing.

Au revoir, à bientôt.
-nemesismerri